i hate myself.. disappointing ppl every single day.. i m mad.. cant stand myself.. things r driving me crazy!!

8:36 PM

sianx.. so tired.. everything is not packed yet.. tml is e alpha camp le.. haix.. so excited but so damn many things happen.. wanna excited oso cant le.. no e damn mood 2 be excited.. haix.. its driving me crazy... crazier n crazier every single day... *argh*.. i tink i m still short of things but still cant be bothered le.. too much things in my head... cant think properly le.. haha... but i doubt my head is goin 2 burst.. cos althou there r sad memories still there r hapi n sweet memories.. hmmm.. so cham.. i promised someone not 2 haix again... not used 2 it... not sayin haix.. it has been a part of my life le.. haha.. siao rite?? lolx... so stupid.. haha.. i m goin mad soon... hmmm... mayb not... cos i don wish myself 2 be mad.. *argh* i tink i m reali crazy le... aHhhhH.. MAD!! so many things in my head!! cant even type properly... sianx... in tat case i tink i shall stop typin le... of not i will go even madder n madder every word i type.. haha... not so serious...

Sunday, March 28, 2004


9:47 PM

went 2 eat dinner wit my family at suntec... e food is damn nice... heex.. yummy... i m goin 2 grow fat... yesterdae went 2 eat steamboat wit some church frens... haha... so fun... we were all screamin for pain.. ppl around us were laughin... haha.. althou throw face still we had a great time... cool... fats are all inside me!! *argh*.. steamboat den jap crusine... FATS!! oh man.. i m goin on a diet fr now.. i shall skip my meals... betta faint den go hospital den no need 2 go sch... YESH!! sianx... tml hv 2 aviod nggy n dillion liaox... sure get scoldin... haix... no teacher understands me at all.... no one unerstands me... haix... not even a single soul understand me.... haix... mayb i hv not open myself ba... i dunno... i hate it when teachers oni tink abt their own way!! they oni tink abt one side of us... nv tink abt e other side of us at all... A REAL GOOD TEACHER IS GOOD BCOS THEY UNDERSTANDS THEIR OWN STUDENTS.. students has got probs which they as teachers do not know... noe y we nv find teachers when we hv probs?? bcos they don understand us at all... next they will tell our parents abt it... how r we goin 2 trust u all?? is not tat i want 2 go against u all... reali... is u all force de... i want 2 quit bcos of my own personal reason n u all don wanna let me quit... u all hv led me wit no choice but trauncy....i reali is no way out le.... ms kaur... i m sorie 2 disappoint u but pls i reali is no choice... i don mean to... I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE!! I HATE MYSELF.. I M SO USELESS... ALWAYS DISAPPOINTS PPL... I M A USELESS GER... HATE MYSELF!!

Friday, March 26, 2004


8:51 PM

haix... sch so sianx todae.... early mornin got scolded by teachers!! sianx... i hate it... spoils my mood... i hate it man.... sux......... haix..... stupid Nggy n dillion.... sianx.... i don wanna stay in Ld n still they wan me 2 stay n go for Ld sessions.... siao..... i will nv go le loh.... i nv even go for todae de.... cos of eye pain... doc sae mux take care of my eye.... eye veri impt!! haha... yar... so i nv go todae.... i hate it...... confirm on mon..... i sure get scolded by alot of teachers de loh.... sianx...... ms kaur tell me not 2 pon... cos it will leave a veri bad impression for alot of teachers... is like i don wanna stay there n still ask me 2 stay there for wat?? is like u liu zhu wo de ren.. liu bu zhu wo de xin... haha... tis sound like i wanna a breakup.... haha... no la.... tat is for Ld.... Ld is actin.... n u wan ur actin skills 2 be good.... u mux put ur whole heart in.... once ur heart is not in there.... no matter how.... ur actin skills oso will not improve de.... pls loh.... i love actin more dan whoeva do.... i reali love actin alot.... n bcos of some reasons i don wanna stay in Ld... i feel tat i m a stupid person.... but i dunno y i stilll did it.... haix..... wat a stupid person i m.... i told mdm ho b4.... i wanna quit.... is reali torturin me...when i told her... i even cried.... hazel was totally shocked when she saw me cry cos she dunno tat is was so serious 2 me.... she dunno tat i was reali veri tortured.... i noe ppl will sae y not i face up e reality n overcome it?? i don wan.... i dunno y.... mdm ho.... sorie.... i hv tried.... i hv reali tried.... i hv reali tried my best.... reali....i hv tried my best out of it.... but still i cant do it..... sorie mdm ho..... i reali cant stand it anymore....i noe u ask me not 2 care abt them but stilll i cant.. mayb i m useless or wat....stilll i cant.... reali sorie..... i hv done my best le.... cant take it anymore.... sorie mdm ho....i let u down.... sorie.......
went 2 meet monkey.... it was rainin.... haix.... den walk here walk there... den decided 2 go miao hse.... sit bus 88.... e journey was so long... but had fun in e bus... haha.... veri funnie.... heex... den finally reach miao hse.... was rainin still den she took out a umbrella... haha.... amonkey holdin a umbrella.... aniwae is not hers... den she lend us e umbrella den she ran all e way.... haha..... normal monkeys run veri fast de.... but she ran until so slow.... haha.... i tink she shud change name liaox.... to TURTLE... haha..... y turtles r slower dan tortoise?? cos turtle r bigger size dan tortoise... haha... my theory... lolx.... i m mad...reach miao hse..... she pour me n monkey liqor.... hers got more 40% liqor inside... i drank finsh mine veri quickly.... den monkey left hers on e table n went 2 get herself a fruit juice... miao went down too.... i went 2 drink hers.... e whole cup!! haha.... i was alrite at first.... after tat.... i was so giddy... they both sae... ta seh le confirm.... den ask me 2 lie on e bed... don aniwhere walk.... hv a nice time at miao's hse.... reach home at abt 7+... reach home got scolded by my parents again.... sianx... my father ask me not 2 study animore.... since study until liketat.... everydae come home so late.... haix... i got nth 2 sae.... i myself keep tellin myself not 2 go home so late.... still i went bac so late..... i hate myself... y m i so useless?? cant even do things properly.... i hate tis.... i hate myself..!!!

8:44 PM

yesterdae..
all of us were at macs studyin....do u tink we will be studyin?? haha... nope... we r all not atudying.... heex... we were playin instead... meet alot of ppl at macs... fr me van cha n miao... bcome me van cha miao monkey grace felicia zihui yanyi n vic... heex... such a big big grp... haha.... den we own 3 tables... so li pu... haha.... quite a lot of fun.... miao was helpin monkey 2 style her hair... den bcomin styling hair for monkey felicia n yanyi... haha... all style until so ugly... opps.... heex.... den they all go wash their hair... they all so funnie... half way thru... van grace n cha went off.. so shao xin... haha... nvm....aniwae they there oso nv mix around wit all of them cos of some misunderstandin... haix.... nvm... i tink it is hopeless le.... i don tink there gonna be ani way 2 patch them up le.... haix.... i got nth 2 sae le.... me vic n felicia went swing... haha... yesh............

Wednesday, March 24, 2004


1:59 PM

haix.... i m sick.. so stayed at home... when 2 e clinic tis mornin... e doc sae i hv sensitive eyes so mux be more careful... gave me a MC, 2 eye drops N some tablets... haha... eye pain oso need 2 take tablets... funnie sia... stayin at home veri sianx... nth 2 do... haix... den study.. play gounbound for a while... my mom left my fone at home.. so went 2 check got anione msg me not... when i on it.... continuously.. i received 10 msgs... wow... so many at a time... haha... sianx... later van n cha comin 2 my hse give me hw... so nice.. thanx... yup.... tml still hv lit test.... todae hv chinese test.. i nv take it...so i gotta take ot tml le...den tml i will hv 2 take 2 tests altogether... sianx.... my head is goin 2 burst anytime... i m so scared... i hv a veri strong feelin.. i m gonna retain tis yr.... if i were 2 retain tis yr... i guess i m gonna get caned or anithing by my parents... my mom sae... if my mid yr not well done.. i m not goin 2 america le... sianx... at first i was hapi cos i will hv e whole hse for myself yeah.... den i can ask ppl 2 come over n ton at my hse.... but my mom told me... if i m not goin 2 america... den she is goin 2 take me 2 my grandma hse....oh man.... my hopes are all gone.... guess i hv 2 go... if not tis june holiday... i m goin 2 be bored 2 death.... *argh*...

Sunday, March 21, 2004


7:09 PM

tml sch reopen le!! omg... so fast.... all my hw are still not done yet... not even 1!! omg... i dunno how m i suppose 2 go bac 2 sch!! WORST! my result slip hvnt let my mom see yet.... i m gonna be dead.... haix.... stupid me... flung 4 subjects!! AHHHH!! i guess i hv 2 study real hard when sch reopen le.... yup... haix... tis one week holidae is so fun... hv been goin out everyday except todae... haix.... got alot of happened... both hapi n sad cases... haix... shall not tok abt it le... yupx... sianx... stayin at home doin nth... don feel like doin hw oso.... veri bored... haix... gonna die of boredom liao....

Friday, March 19, 2004


10:21 PM

haix... wat happen to u? i reali wanna noe wat exactly happen 2 u loh... u tell me to don bother abt u... but i cant loh... dunno y oso... haix... u reali sound veri weird... can hear tat u gonna cry soon le loh... reali wat 2 noe e reason y.. i m not tryin 2 be busybody... but i dunno la... haix... reali want 2 noe wat happen 2 u.. but u don wanna tell me anithing... haix...nvm... u don tell me but pls tell somebody else... it will make u feel betta... yupx... hope everything goes well for u... haix.....

Thursday, March 18, 2004


7:42 PM

aHHHHHH my fone bill is $100+!!!! omg..... cant believe tat it is so damn high.... omg.... how?! tis money.. my parents so damn pissed off wit me le... den my results how? they sure will kill me de!! omg... aniwae... good thing is.. i hv told my mom i m goin 2 "zhao chu" de liaox... so i tink i wun... cos there is no where for me 2 go.... omg... feel so useless.... sianx... always getting scoldin fr my mom abt hp bill.... sianx.... she is goin 2 confiscate it!! she will oni give me bac when i wanna go out... she don allow me bring hp 2 sch anymore...!!! oops... no suppose 2 sae tat... haix.... sianx... now in sch.. my oni hope 2 stay awake durin class time is dashed! haix... guess is fated for me 2 slp in class den get scolded by teacher again... haix... i tink in all my life i m always gettin scolded... haix... life is so meaningless.. i noe tis is fr somebody.. but still tat is e true fact... isnt it? heex....

4:55 PM

early mornin... went out at 7+.. cant believe it... i went joggin... haha.. after tat wanted 2 go sit swing... but booked le.. heex... we sat down n tok... den walked her 2 e bus stop.. she went home... i slowly stroll bac 2 my hse... use net... den get outta my hse again... heex.. went 2 meet hazel n jingting... heex.. eat lunch together.. den go compass.. sianx man.. so sianx.... i m veri bored... den hazel hadta go.. so me n jingting go home oso... it seems 2 me tat... in every minute if ur life.. u r always waitin... no matter wat u waitin for... u r always waitin for something... den reached le... when walkin 2 swing.. it started 2 rain again... haix.. still i went 2 sit... is so nice 2 sit swing in e rain.. haha.. rain gets heavier n heavier.. walk a big round home jux 2 get totally drenched... heex... hope i can faster get sick.. den no need 2 go sch le.. haha... so cool..
i hate myself so much..

Monday, March 15, 2004


8:18 PM

haha... so fun... went sentosa wit calista n van.... but so sianx... oni 3 person... den now e way.... contactin everyone single person in e contact list 2 come sentosa.... in e end... no one came.... oh man.... worst..... reach sentosa.. step in oni...it rained!! wow... so suay... haha.... calista n van want 2 sun-tan... i don wan... they forced me 2 take out my clothes... haha...in e end we rain-tan... wow... so cool... after e heavy rain... me n calista jump into 2 water!! haha.. left van at e chair there sun-tannin... me n calista tok n tok n tok in e water... so cool... sittin in e water tokin like nobody's business.. haha.... e sun finally come out le... we took out ur clothes n lie on e sand den sun-tan.. half way van has 2 leave le... send her off den left me n calista... celest called her up n want her 2 go town... so we left sentosa n she headed for town... i headed for home... we don hv a towel 2 dry ourselves in e end... every part of ur body is so wet... changed into ur dry clothes.. our SB n u noe.. is veri wet...after a while... our dry clothes n e wet print... haha... so funnie... heex... mine is ok.. but calista's was so obvious.. somemore she is goin town... haha...

Thursday, March 11, 2004


6:42 PM

so sianx....rainin again....wanted 2 get all drenched but van don wan so i din...haix...so nice 2 be drenched....but veri cold..*shivers* haix...van come my hse watch legally blonde 1&2...heex...so nice...so funnie....NV LOOK DOWN ON ONE PERSON..COS HE /SHE MAY OUTSHINE U AT E LAST MINUTE..heex....watch half way...she msg beth n fion...oh my...after tat msg...my WHOLE impression changed for fion...oh my...so disappoint...haix...nvm...heck la....don care le....i shall care for animore ting anymore...yup....aiya...don care la...sianx....i m goin to spend my holidays happily...yup....don care wateva happens..haix...don care.....wateva....

Tuesday, March 09, 2004


8:16 PM

.::.::CLAP BACK LYRICS::.::.

[Intro - Ja Rule]
Yeah, yeah.. haha yeah!
I gotta get my headphones
All my gangsta niggaz is in the building on this one!
You know! Yeah yeah ya know
It's real!! Hussein what's happ'nin nigga?
I see you, aight Shadow what's poppin BLAT!!
Haha haha, yeah my nigga O-1 in the motherfucking house
Jody in the house (Jody Mack!)
My nigga Cadillac, Gotti what up!?!
Blackchild what up!?!
I'd like to welcome all my niggaz
To the world famous Murda Inc. Show
Big shout to all my Queens niggaz in Staten Island
Niggaz in Uptown, niggaz in Brooklyn niggaz
All my Bronx niggaz yeah, all my Jersey niggaz! you know?
We doing it real big right here! all my money niggaz
This shit commentated on the one's and two's!
They call me the Mighty Rule! how ya living?
This real shit we talking
I wanna ask all my gangsta niggaz a real question (holla back)
What do you do - when niggaz spit at you?!

[Chorus - Ja Rule]
Clap back, we gon' clap back
We gon' clap back, we gon' clap back
(Let's take 'em to war niggaz!)
We gon' clap back, we gon' clap back
We gon' clap back, we gon' clap back
(Let's take 'em to war niggaz)
We gon' clap back, we gon' clap back
We gon' clap back, we gon' clap back
(Let's take 'em to war niggaz!)
We gon' clap back, we gon' clap back
We gon' clap back, we gon' clap back
(Let's take 'em to war niggaz)
We gon' clap back, we gon' clap back

[Verse 1 - Ja Rule]
Fuck if they holl'in about Rule nigga, here's the real
I'll pop ya top like Champagne bottles that chill
Wear nothing but ice, smiles tinted up to The Greatest
Tell em I'm nice too, plus push them nice grooves
The Inc roll like duece man, I'm ol' G Bobby J
And we sling at soccer fields the yay
They don't respect that, don't get your minds around
You'll get it pushed back, y'all don't want that
I send em to the morgue while keepin my bitches bouncin fa sho
"In Da Club" with no gun, got em taking it off
Can't help that, I'm the nigga that puts it down
Once I hit that, that's if I'm up in the May (bach)
Fasten them holding the throwback, West 44 Lakers
Let's make no mistakes, resents take place
We'll still proceed you with a gun in your face
When you got one in your waist, let's cock back nigga ample space!
(C'mon!) We gon'

[Chorus]

[Verse 2 - Ja Rule]
The Rule be "In Da Club" rude motherfucker poppin the bubbly
When shit get ugly I hug the snub closely
But usually we still see your bitches
Thats is known for quick shit, trying to ride my dick
I can't handle it, lower their manners
To get they ass infront of my dick to dance, the bitch want more chance
Catching hate from a glance, but I'm a giant
These niggaz is mere ants, I'll stomp 'em wit his thang
Give bitches the back hand, pimp shit, it's not realistic
The game is helpless, let's not get it twisted
I'm young, wrapped, and gifted, but still at the bottom
And stuck somewhere between Gomorrah and Saddam
I'm here to make this rap shit hotter than Harlem
Fuck the Dog beware of Rule, cause I'm the problem
We'll still proceed you with a gun in your face
When you got one in your waist, let's cock back nigga ample space!
(C'mon!) We gon'

[Chorus]

[Verse 3 - Ja Rule]
Like Bush and Saddam, I'm a find out
Where Em Laden's hiding and bomb him first
It could be much worse, I could be hotter than yo scrubs
Mask and glove, gun hot from burnin ass up
I'd rather be bossed up, wit a bunch of broads
The preachers daughter screaming out "Fuck the law!"
I play a struck chord, wit the Christians
But y'all got the freakiest bitches out of all the religions
And God gave me his blessings to handle my business
All these wanksta snitches, let the nina blow kisses
If she some how misses, he gon' meet the mistress
And "Clap that boy" like Birdman and Clipse
I got these niggaz all over my dick, like hoes
I'm the star at these shows, I must be as hot as they come
We'll still proceed you with a gun in your face
When you got one in your waist, let's cock back nigga ample space!
(C'mon!) We gon'

[Chorus]

[Outro]
[Ja Rule] Yeah, my nigga 'Zino in this motherfucker
[Benzino] That's how we do it, know what I mean
[Benzino] Buck '89 what's up baby, I see you
[Ja Rule] Break 'em down nigga! break 'em down!
[Benzino] Bring them birds, in the motherfucking house
[Benzino] It's not a game no mo'
[Ja Rule] Queens in this motherfucker
[Benzino] You know
[Ja Rule] All my Jersey niggaz, all my Boston niggaz
[Ja Rule] All my Brooklyn niggaz, Brooklyn sir what up!
[Ja Rule] Haha, yeah, holla at me man

4:07 PM

hahas....change a new nice song for my bloggie...heex....is Ja Rule.."CLAP BACK"...hahas....tat song nicee...yeah....yup...sianx....everydae oso veri sianx...i noe someone is even more sianx den me...is vic...haix...she keep tellin me tat she is sianx non stop...haix...go find someone 2 accompany u la....or find something 2 do? haix....van so cham...durin maths lesson got scolded by dao pok...haha...so funnie....den all e markers no ink le...she canot write a single thing on e board...orh be!! haha...den go hazel class borrow marker...su show me a sweet...haha...i want!! she throw e sweet 2 me...heex...thanx su...tat sweet make me wake up...haha....yup...rachel cried terribily...haix...u don give up kaez...i oso everytime fail subs...so if u work hard..u can definitely score well at e end de...like me....haha....jux jokin...don follow me....u will go even badder...heex....study hard kaez...i will support u de...yup...*hugs* don cry le... yupx...sianx...reach home nth 2 do....my sis at home....even more sianx...cant tok on e fone cos she wanna be online....haix....homework got sooooo many....muz do all by tml....sianx...van got even more den me...haha....i tell her sae if she can do all finish by tml...i will give her a kiss on e CHEEK!!haha....hope she don do all finish...n i doubt she can....haix...nvm...if she can...i shuo de chu zhuo de dao!! haha.....

Friday, March 05, 2004


11:51 PM

haix....so late den go home...reach home...again...e first thing i get is scoldin again....haix...aniwae is my fault la....shud had left earlier....shudn't wait of vic....haix.....aniwae....i learnt an important lesson on my way home....e taxi driver tok 2 me alot of things....i cant believe it....i cried in e cab!!!! we were tokin abt parents....my mom called me....when i was boardin e taxi...he tell me...."ur mom loves u alot"....he saes....ur parents nag at u bcos they love u....they care for u....so betta not treat tat as nag....treat tat as a show of ur love n concern...so he ask me not 2 let my mom worry so much...(hey peeps....u all oso hor....altho tis is my blog...i wanna u all 2 learn oso!!) he ask me....how is my studies....i told him not veri gd....he tell me abt his son....his o'levels din do well..so canot go poly.....now he din wanna go bac sch n retake his o'levels....cos he is afraid tat his teachers will give him special treatment....so he went 2 a private sch....driver tell me tis kinda ting happen...ur parents will be veri sad de.....is like a knife jux cut through their skins....so pain!! i dunno y...but i can feel it....i was wonderin....if bcos of results they r like tat.....wat if they see their own children cut?? will it be even more painful?? or wat?? i dunno...cos i m not a parent....but wat i noe is is hurtful....so hurtful...they will feel much more pain than us....much more pain than e pain when we cut.....if they were 2 noe tat i m a les how? i reali dunno wat will happen u noe? i dunno y....after wat e taxi driver tell me...i can feel e pain hurtin my heart....its so painful....so pls....my frens...PLS CHERISH WAT U HV NOW...IF NOT WHEN IT IS GONE....DON REGRET....

5:47 PM

so tired.....i hate my life....i hate it so much......it is tough makin once frens den enemies frens again.....it is so tough....they r all my frens.....my gd frens....i cant bear 2 leave anione....so btw all of them i dunno who 2 choose.....i choose tis side...tat side will be angry....i hate it.....den they will be abgry wit me bcos of tis reason....i hate it....i HATE IS SO DAMN FUCKIN MUCH......TIS KIND LIFE SUX 2 CORE....i wanna escape fr tis kinda life....escape 2 a faraway place.....a veri veri veri veri faraway place.....a place where no one can find me at alll.......i hate myself....i hope tat i was not even born.....not in tis world at all...i noe everyone has probs....but i jux dread my life......can i jux die liketat?? i cant bear 2 leave alot of things.....my frens....my mom....my things....my memories.......i hate myself!!! i wanna die asap!! can a car jux bang me down?? i will not blame e driver....i will thanx e driver instead......

Thursday, March 04, 2004


6:40 PM

::ta hai shi bu dong::
Yao shuo she me
Bei zi dou yi jing kong le
Bi shang yan jing
Xin li xia qi da xue
Tian han you di dong
Shi bu shi dao le
Ai qing jie zhang de shi hou
Zhi sheng xia ge zi mai dan de ji mo
Wei she me dang wo tui kai men
Ta men you lai la zhu wo

Ta hai bu dong, hai shi bu dong
Li kai shi xiang yao bei wan liu
Ru guo kai kou na jiu shi
Wo yao lai the wen rou

Ta hai bu dong, yong yuan bu dong
Yi ge yong bao neng dai ti suo you
Ai jue dui neng guo dong yao wo

Yao yong she me
Rong hua zhe yi pian ji mo
Zai si zhou de long keng qi lian tan xi
Hua zhe yan piao zhou
Guo qu zhong zhong
Zai xin li gun cheng xue qiu
Pa hai mei shuo hua lei jiu hui xian liu
Ai bu shi ta gei de bu duo
Shi bu zhi dao wo yao she me

Dou shi bei le taiduo de xin yuan
Liu xing cai hui die de na me zhong
Ai tai xin ye you
Zui hui de shi hou

Zai di yi shi jian zhen jiu wo

Monday, March 01, 2004


10:26 PM

i hate tis dae....i hope tat i can forget tis dae foreva....i went mac wit vic...den saw sam n fren...we went bowling centre...made a bet...if sam were 2 come den she gotta pay me $5...vic wanted 2 go arcade...oni sam got outside shirt....so went 2 call sam over...den she oni hv one so vic don wanna play le....we walked bac....van angry...den vic n van quarrel...haix....sorie....its my fault loh....if i hadnt ask sam come over...nth wud happen....sorie...don quarrel le....veri sorie.....its my fault....yupx.....sorie.....i went out of mac....i sried....i felt so terrible....i reali need a shoulder...but there was no one wit me....i reali cant breathe le....being in e middle of 2 gd frens...is veri kung kor loh.....haix....i got no choice....
me n vic went 2 e swing.....sit n swing.....when i was swingin...my leg touched e tree...haha...i can reach it...vic u cant....heex....den so late den go home....reach home...e first thing i get is....scoldin...haix....sianx......

vic>>yup....wat u sae is true loh....is true tat i m hidin e real self....i don wan my real self....tats y i wanna be as crazy as i can.....i veri tong ku....mummy u noe notx......mummy........sob sob....