*you.
i'm sorry. if i hadnt do anything in e first place. nth would have happen. our friendship wouldnt be like this. haix. sorry. i trust what you two were saying. but there are still doubts. nvm. anyway. i m just gg to leave the matter just liketat. yup. not goin to contact any grp of you all le bah. yup. now den i noe how complicating this world is. haix. oh wells. i think i have to face it. i dunno if you will still read my blog but yar. i still hope tat you will read this entry. yup. all i know is i m just a unwanted person. a person tat nobody wants at all. none. so since nobody wants me here. i goin to M.I.A. after my exams. i m going to work. i m going to lead a simple life bah. i think tat will be better? thanks for everything you all have done for me last time. i really appreciate it very much. really thank you so much! what i told you in e past is true. i m really happy with you all. yup. really a million thank you for everything. yup. how i wish we can go back to last time. go overseas together and all. last time we din even quarrel. nth at all. i know tat say so many things now oso no use at all. cos everything is too late. i don think we can go back like last time le bah? can we? i dunno. is ur decision. i cant do this decision cos i have done you wrong. i don have the quan li anymore. so everything is ur decision. all i wanna say is i'm sorry. real sorry. althou everything is too late now but i still wanna say. i hope we can go back to the past. one more thing. pls study hard. prove it to ur mom tat pigs can fly! is just one more week. bear with it. i know you may not have e mood to study but still carry on! you musnt give up. work hard just for e 2 weeks. you sure can do it. i know. cos i know tat you will not disappoint me. take care. all the best.

3:43 PM

cooling day. isnt it? no? of course it is. raining. so don have pe. but we missed e dancing. sad. nvm. oh wells. e pri sch so noisy. noisy until i cant even hear what ms ting is talking. but e past few days there were songs! hahas. but there is only 2 songs: yeah-usher, where is the love-black eyed peas. yup. still contented to hear songs during lesson time. hahas.

den during chi period. hou lao shi so funny. tell us so many stories. so entertaining. hahas. she wasnt teaching at all. she looks like she is entertaining us with her wonderful stories. hahas. so cool rite havong this kinda teacher. she is a rare teacher. not many teacher will joke with the students when exams are just next week. moreover she lets other teacher have lesson so that we don need to stay back. she is so good rite? yeah i think so. do you? no? hmm.

den after maths went down to locker to take all my books out. guess what. i found my last time geog book! wth. i saw it and i shouted "f**k" den ms lum heard. she look at me. omg. my fav teacher has such a bad impression on me. sad. nvm. oh wells. back to my story. i lost tat book last term. now den i found it in e locker. is definitely zihui or vic take or somebody borrow from them or whatsoever. cos hazel don take pure geog only us. n locker key only e 4 of us left. whoever is e culprit u better watch out. i mean it. i defintely have to pay me money for tat book. and get scoldings from me. sure. you will have to watch out. i will make sure i find who e freaking person is b4 e school closes. i will not let you have a great time. a*****e!

den i carried whole box of books home. damn heavy. den walked in e rain. haix. not very drenched. hahas. tot come home so early so good all alone at home. den i reached home. e door is not locked. my father is at home. freaking hell. i m not alone at all now. now i m stuck in my pathetic room. sickkening. i cant do anything!

Saturday, September 25, 2004


10:48 PM

*you two.
i m damn disappointed. after what i heard i think i m not guilty at all. althou yes i m admit tat i m in e wrong. but after what i heard about what you say about me. i m not feeling a single guilty at all. i din noe tat u always see me as a flirt n not as ur daughter. oh pls. i din expect to heard tat u sae tat i m flirting with other ppl. i m really damn freaking disappointed okie. this whole matter saddens me alot. i noe by saying sorry u two wun feel anything. u only want us to die den ur anger will be gone rite? pls. die? u wan urself to go jail issit? u can nv see us suffering. no matter what you do. we will definitely overcome everything. definitely. we will still be happy. definitely. so you are just wasting ur time making us suffer. no matter is in school or outside. you all oso can nv make me guilty anymore. whenever i think of what you sae. i think i m not in e wrong anymore. this is how you think of me. since you think of me so bad den why you din tell me? huh? why? you are e one who tell me tat you are a damn freaking straightforward person de loh. since you don like me. den what for you nv tell me. seeing me will make you suffer rite? den why nv tell me. tell me earlier den i can leave this whole grp earlier. isnt it.? yar. i cant lie. and you all noe it. i told you all before. i can nv lie. i will shiver i will have faults. you all knew it at e beginin den why carry on qestionin me? wanna give me another chance? i don think so. whatever okie. all i wanna do now is i wanna study. i don wanna go anywhere. do what. i just wanna study. i can nv study wit you. nv. i don think i can ever study wit e grp. nv. i m already controlling myself not to go other places n etc. and now. okie. i shall not nag at you to study anymore. i m in no position to ask you to study. and if you want to brk of this long long friendahip wit me bcos of this matter. you can go ahead. but i wanna tell you something. i m damn disappointed wit you. our friendship so long. so long. liketat n is off. saddenin isnt it? i noe you for about 10 yrs. and liketat is gone. is really to ke xi. i know you sure will say tat everything i do de. i will definitely face e consequences. yar. so is ur decision. i think even if e friendship is still there. i think we will not be as close last time le. yup. tats all.

Friday, September 17, 2004


6:16 PM

did nth much in school today. did finish my compo during chi period. first time. i have nv finished my compo during class lesson before yup. after school had cme. den went opp myself. cos char n van need to take bus opp den get down agn. haix. den went off to heartland. den saw hazel. tok. she told me something. i nearly burst into tears. den tok to clara. den char n van came. after some toking we went to yoshi. den miao angry me cos i keep wasting time. but i was toking things out wit hazel n clara. yup. den she veri angry. i cant stop myself anymore.
i cried.
cos e thing tat i don wanna it to happen has happen agn. i cant stop myself. i think they think tat i cry is cos miao angry me. no. i not crying bcos of tat. is abt hazel. i cant stop crying. haix. den things happen. kazaf n ben keep consoling me. keep making me smile. but sorry. i cant. i feel guilty. i cant stop myself from feeling guilty.
i'm tired. tats all i wanna sae. *letting go*

*you
hey. i m sorry. really sorry. i keep thinkin tat is bcos of e few of us tats why u will become liketat. if we nv turn. i doubt u will turn oso. don deny this fact cos it is a fact tat cant be changed. i know. ur sis ask me to let it be. may this be a road for u too grow up. mayb is good for u. but i don wanna see u getting hurt. i don wanna see tat happenin. really. but since u have chosen this route. den i wish u all the best. i have tried my best for everything. i m not gonna regret if anything happens. cos i know i have tried my best to tok u round. n i wish u all e best kaez. i think tats all i can do. all i wanna tell u is sorry.

//miao
hey. i m real sorry. i know you are still angry with me. and one more thing is u may not read this too. but still i still wanna type here. i'm sorry i make you angry. but i din go with you because i need to tok to clara and hazel. i m sorry i have wasted ur time. i cried at yoshi is not because you are angry wit me. is because of hazel. sorry. make you angry. sorry make you quarrel with her. i m veri sorry. i m really very sad at tat time. wanted to control my tears. but at tat time u are oso angry with me. really sorry.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004


6:50 PM

getting tired every single day. i guess i have guan too much things. guess i have to let go everything n let them be. i said that i wanna prove to my sis tat pigs can fly.. rmb??! yesh. i wanna prove. but i doesnt seems to be doing wat i shud do. i have been slacking all day long n not studying at all. wth is this? i dunno myself. i don even noe wth i want. somebody out there? get me out of slacking world.! i wanna study. but i cant seem to concentrate. all i wanna do is to have fun. wth thinkin is this? i dunno myself either. -blur- haix. guess no one can save me except myself le bah. cos this is my thing. i have to solve it myself i guess. haix. LIM GUI HE! U BETTER STUDY HARD! FOR GOODNESS SAKE! SHOW EVERYONE TAT PIGS CAN FLY!

i'm tired. veri tired now. feel like slping all day and not gonna wake up forever. slp n be in my lala land forever? isnt it better? i will nv get tired. i will nv feel sad cos in my lala land. there wun be a word as sad. i m a real happy girl in my lala land. tats great isnt it? yesh of course. is great to be a happy girl. don u think so? i think alot of u wan me to be a happy girl rite? slping forever is a good idea for u all to change me to become a happy girl. heex. shall tok no more. mom gonna keep e line veri soon. gonna miss u guys loads. haix. wish me luck for my exams! heex.

Tuesday, September 14, 2004


9:06 PM

exams comin liaox. isnt it great? hahas. no. not at all. i will be studying like mad. u will see all of my hair stand! n for ur info. i have requested to leave long hair. so u will see me with tied hair. hahas. i look like a tutid! omg! u wun believe ur eyes tat it was me! hahas. this is crazy! everyone was shocked wit my hair. totally shocked! my chem teacher came in n asked me, "WHAT HAPPENED TO UR HAIR? OMG?" e whole class laughed non-stop. so ma lu! hahas. is my hair tat scary?? -scratch head-

hmm. have chi after school. but agn. is cancelled. cos alot of ppl don wanna stay so it is postponed! wahahas. went to meet papa n kazaf. waiting for miao. walk ard wit hazel clara n char. den sit down n eat maggi meee. den tok tok tok. wahahas. proceed to miao hse as usual. yepps. before we go. veron asked kazaf if e both of us we stead! omg?! my reputation! hahas. just kidding. told them tat we are not! hahas. papa n miao were laughin in e taxi. hahas. slack ard at miao hse n go home liaox.

i cant blog anymore cos my mom is taking out my internet line. i cant see ppl online anymore. haix. gonna miss u guys real loadies! argh. if u see me online means tat i will be at miao hse liaox. hahas. liketat better i think den i can study at home n not use net. hahas. wat a brillant idea tat is. wahahas.

Monday, September 06, 2004


10:45 PM

had school today. b4 school had breakfast wit adeline n char. den go sch for amaths n chem lesson. wat we did in amaths is wat huizhi have taught me. so is veri easy. hahas. faster den everyone. cos everyone is veri blur abt it but i noe how to do. hahas. kinda like trigo suddenly dunno y. hahas. lame me.

after sch. ben waited outside. den leave to harbour front together. met daddie. so we heartland together. chit chat here n there. den went to sentosa. today have 6 ppl. miao papa ben kazaf joell me. reach there. no sun. so din get to sun-tan at all. hahas. in e end. we were all playing in e water. after tat drizzle a little. so we buried papa into e sand. hahas. made breast for her. hahas. can laugh until i lie flat. hahas. miao is crazy. hahas. she is damn creative. she sing song den change e lyrics to dirty one. hahas. laugh non-stop. hahas. den play play play. went to wash up den back to singapore. ate our dinner den go home. in e train all of ur were damn tired. slping on each other. hahas. den reach back home damn tired. but i cant get to slp. dunno y. hahas. crazy me.

Saturday, September 04, 2004


1:07 AM

i have told my mom abt my results le. i can see e disappointment in her face. she scolded me damn badly. i don mind her scolding me. but it hurts me when i see e disappointment in her face. i feel gulity. this feeling sucks. i hate feeling guilty. guilty will screw me up. and it sucks. i shud have studied for all of e tests n hand up all of e work tat is needed to be handed up. i shud have done all of tat. is my responsiblilty. and i told her tat i m studying. but what e hell m i doing? playing. watchin drama series. omg. this is called studying. i think if there is a subject abt drama series. i guess a can get A* for tat. hahas. but tat will be in my dream. it will not become reality. i guess i shall face e consequences for not doing well in my studies. my mom wanna barred me from using net. she thinks tat us e net tat causes me to have this kinda results. i think is not e net tat is e problem. is myself tat is e prob. i gotta solve it myself. yup. guess my playing time is over. is serious time now. hahas. charlotte always sae tat "u have e brains and u still don wanna study. if u were to study u will sure get great results." hahs. tat wat most of e teachers tell me too. they all sae tat i have e brains. but not hardworking enough. hmm. guess is time for to be wiser n study n use my brains n see how far i can go when i use my brains. gonna experiment for them see if my brain is tat useful. hahss. yup i tink tat shall be it. i shall study n use my brains. n prove to those who see me small that they are wrong. i can definitely do better den them by alot. u guys wait n see. i will definitely prove it to u guys. i m going to show u something tat u guys have nv see it before. which is flying colours!

Friday, September 03, 2004


7:15 PM

DIE! omg. my results are back. i don intend to tell my mom yet. i don wanna be demoralised. i fail 2 most impt sub. eng n chi n one more is maths! omg. this sucks! wanted to cry when i got this kinda marks but i tried not to n i succeed. i din cry in front of anybody at all. isnt this great. yup. accomplised something but failed in many things. after everything go buy uniform. den go miao hse. did some maths. den things happen. den i went home as usual. but still worried about wats gonna happen. i noe i m thinkin too much but. i don wish anything bad to happen. i wish nth of all these have actually started. haix. shall not think about so many things anymore. i guess i shud start studying le bah. exam timetable is out. gonna go crazy soon. din do so well. i have to buck up asap. if not i tink i can nv catch wit e pace. haix. time is killing me! i tink i have to leave e grp awhile bah. jux to study. hmm. i tink i shall try to study wit them first. if i cant study den i guess i have to study on my own from now le bah. isnt it so? time is running out. i cant go back in time.